During the Summer 2020 Apocalypse, I received an unexpected apology from a former colleague regarding the treatment of African Americans in the arts. In the midst of sensationalized, performative activism, this apology came quietly. The emotional release I experienced after reading it was very surprising because it provided that rare and special happening: closure. Closure is meaningful because it is an opportunity to let go of negative relationships or experiences by acknowledging them fully.
This moment helped me understand why so many African Americans accept apologies or even forgive the offender. I completely understand why so many of us refuse apologies; it reclaims power in situations that robbed us of dignity. Learning to heal without closure is a common challenge for most people, if not a rite of passage, and it’s something with which I still struggle. But, learning to receive an apology was just as big of a lesson.
Have a Pleasant Day
-Rae Pleasant
Date: July 2020
From: X
Subject: Apology
Rae, I was an intern when we met at X. I know it was a horrible experience for you. We are all implicit in bad behavior at arts institutions and I want to apologize for any role I played, and for not stepping up better in the moment, or sooner than this.
The last thing I want to do is bring up trauma for you, but I do owe you an apology and I am sorry.
I am working towards learning and listening and being a better ally, and I would give anything if I could have been more aware and better equipped at handling situations then. Museums are giant machines that create cycles of bad behavior, and I have been working for some time now to be better and towards untangling my own complacency in these systems.
Thank you for your time and for work.
X
—-
Date: July 2020
From: Rae
To: X
Hello,
I will try to keep this brief, but thank you for your apology. I was not expecting this because it's not something I'm given very often. My professional life didn't get any easier when I left X and it wasn't easy before I got there. The common denominator has always been covert bigotry or the way other women treat me. I have not always reacted well to this and lashing out has been a habit I'm just now trying to change. I have not accepted the few apologies I've received in the past, but if acknowledging an apology will free me from this hell of anger and depression I'm willing to try it.
So, thank you.
Rae
