Top Dog: Yo, homie. I’m not supposed to say anything, but you have nothing to worry about. You’re in!

Will: Yo, word! Me and Carlton got in?

Top Dog: Well, not exactly. I mean, you’re cool and all, but Carlton. Well, he’s not exactly our type.

Will: Say, what do you mean, ‘not our type’?

Top Dog: Well, Carlton is not like you and me. You know what I’m sayin’?

Will: No, I don’t know what you’re sayin’.

Top Dog: Will, Carlton doesn’t exactly exemplify what I think Phi Beta Gamma is.

Will: Oh, and what is that?

Top Dog: Well, it’s not Ralph Lauren shirts and wingtip shoes and corporate America. We don’t need a brotha like him in this fraternity.

Will: Man, he is exactly what you need in this fraternity. Man, Carlton has been a straight A student since pre-school. He gives you 150% every time.

Top Dog: Look Will, I realize he’s your cousin and you have to defend him, but this discussion is closed.

Will: Alright. Carlton, come on man, let’s go. I didn’t get in.

Carlton: What? Why?

Will: Look, I dunno man, come on, just let’s go.

Carlton: How dare you not take Will. He’s fulla potential.

Top Dog: That’s why we want him. It’s you we don’t want.

Carlton: Me? But, I did everything. I cooked, I cleaned, I hand washed the toilets.

Top Dog: Everything your butler does for you. I’m not accepting no prep-school, Bel-air bred sell-out into my fraternity.

Will: Homie, you can stop all that!

Carlton: No, wait Will. I got this one. You think I’m a sell-out. Why? Because I live in a big house or I dress a certain way. Or maybe it’s because I like Barry Manilow.

Will: Uh he meant Barry White, y’all.

Carlton: Being black isn’t what I’m trying to be, it’s what I am. I’m runnin’ the same race and jumpin’ the same hurdles as you are so why are you trippin’ me up. You said we need to stick together, but you don’t even know what that means. If you ask me, you’re the real sell-out.

Will: Yeah! That’s right, boi. And, in the words of my illustrious cousin, we gonna make like a tree and leave!

—-

The Other Aunt Viv: Hey! We lookin’ at the newest Phi Beta Gammas?

Carlton: No. Apparently, I’m not enough of a brotha to be a brother.

Uncle Phil: What?

Will: Pledge leader said he didn’t like sell-outs.

Hilary: Well, who does! I mean you wait, and wait, and wait and when you finally get to the front of the line, everything’s gone?

Uncle Phil: You know this really irritates me. I have worked very hard to give my family a good life and suddenly, somebody tells me there’s a penalty for success. I’m sorry you had to g thru this, son. When are we gonna stop doing this to each other.

The Fresh Prince of Bel-air, Blood is Thicker than Mud, 1993